anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
