Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
