You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
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