Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
