Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
