the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
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some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
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All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar