The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.