i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!