Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
