i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
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I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
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dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.