Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Randomize
