I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....