dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
