...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
