she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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