Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
