i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
