His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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