I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
