Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
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everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
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i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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