Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Randomize
