hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
