He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
