My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
