when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
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