So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
