You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
