How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
My cat gives me a boner
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
