We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
