I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Randomize
