I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
this beer tastes like vomit already
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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