fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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