My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
