she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
