I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
