brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
