Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
