I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
