i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
