I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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