I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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