so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
