Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
The cops high fived after they tackled you
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
