Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Randomize
