what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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