A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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