just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
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