I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
