her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
