i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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