It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
