The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
