So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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