considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Banned from zoo.
Again?
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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