im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I love you. Go after that dick
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
