9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
