Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
