Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
