i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
