we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
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