my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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