The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
