So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
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thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I came so hard my ears popped.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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