Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
