this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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