he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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