You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
