Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
