OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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