Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
