turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
