Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
