I looked at my own cervix.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
