So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
