I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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