get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
