I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
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