I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
