You're so nebulous sometimes
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
