I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
