a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
