3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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