I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
