The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
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He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
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I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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