Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
