i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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