then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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