my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
