jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
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