I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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