It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
