So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
