dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
