I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Randomize
