thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
