My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
