i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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