I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
You're my little dorito
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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