i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
