yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Randomize
