hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
